a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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