Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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