Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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