Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
