I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
