i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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