Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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