You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
