clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
