if you like me you must not know who I am
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
