I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
