life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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