That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
