If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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