at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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