OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
