I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
FUCK WHALES
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
