If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
