pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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