Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
