no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
