she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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