It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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