Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
