The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's official drugs can't kill me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
