She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
