drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
