I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
