to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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