we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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