it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Welp...herpes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
