If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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