we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I party with great urgency now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
