He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
