This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
