I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
