hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
