they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
