I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
