This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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