I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
