no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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