I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
