then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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