I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This is the high leading the old right now
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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