Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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