I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
