Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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