We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
