is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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