she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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