I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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