STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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