no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
