I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
