Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
