I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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